Things I learned when I got dumped…

1. Trust In the Lord

It is easy to say, “oh just trust in the Lord, and He will get you through” but it’s a whole other thing for you to actually believe it and DO IT! He is beyond worthy of it no matter my circumstance, so who am I to with hold it? I have learned that it is in my great vulnerability that I am most likely to trust God more than ever before. Trust that He is working in your waiting and that when the situation is beyond your understanding that is exactly what He wants from you and is teaching you…..to TRUST.

2. God is jealous for His Beloved.

In my particular relationship, we were in a very serious place both planning and looking towards marrying the other in the near future, so it is unfortunately also safe to say that I lost sight of my First Love. I wasn’t at a fantastic place in my walk with God, it is as though we were at a stand off with one another in my mind, I knew He wanted my heart and I longed for His Presence….as though those two things were opposed or something! I was at a place where I desired a godly marriage and relationship with my boyfriend, but desired that more than God. He is jealous over the love and affection of His Beloved children, and will not allow idols to steal our affections from Him.

3. The weight of sin in losing sight of the First Love (Christ).

God allowed me to feel a little bit of the weight of sin in this trial and the pain of losing such a close relationship, by me losing the guy I first really cared for, I was able to feel a little fraction of the grief I had put my heavenly Father through. I am still reeling with pain over feeling betrayed by my first boyfriend, and if I, a human, am feeling this agony and betrayal and ……gosh I can only imagine a portion of what my sin has done to the heart of the Father.

4. I learned how to fix my eyes on Jesus

Let’s be honest, when the first guy you really care for leaves you…IT HURTS!!! No one is denying that! You can say the lil Christian bumper sticker phrases and sing the songs but….IT STILL HURTS! I am certainly not denying the pain of a heartbreak….but we have a choice each second…yes even if you were the one that got dumped….you have a choice. Our choices are: 1. Focus and fixate on the hurt and pain and feelings of betrayal or FIX YOUR EYES ON JESUS! You can certainly choose to be overwhelmed by your feelings (and believe me I went there too, stopped at the gift shop and got the t-shirt and chocolates) or you can choose to fix your eyes on the Savior. It doesn’t make you suddenly stop hurting, because that is going to happen, it just is… but you can choose to fixate on Him and not him….

5. You don’t have to spend your time trying to fix yourself.

Just don’t. People will tell you “you just focus on you” or “you do you”… thank you, I wasn’t not being me in the relationship so why would I not be me on the other side of it….but thank you for feeling obligated to say something…but NO we don’t need to fix ourselves because when you recognize #s 2&3 and actively choose #1&4, Jesus will do it in you! He is all that He says He is and He promises that the good work He began in you, He will bring to completion…so trust Him when He says it.

6. You still have the privilege of praising God.

The BEST place to worship God is in the middle of that storm. Sure it’s good on Sundays too, but having an honest, vulnerable heart before the Lord and worshipping Him in the valley…it changes you and brings Him glory. It may be through pain, in may be through tears, it may not make any sense to you right now (it doesn’t to me)….but I will worship my God, my King, Who is worthy to be praised! Do I have a big storm in my life, yes, but I have MY GOD and  I WILL WORSHIP HIM! He gets the most glory when I praise him in the valley and I am changed by Him most in the valley so it makes the most of it all and most sense to praise God in the valley! It doesn’t take the sting out of the hurt and broken heart…but it changes me, it restores me, it heals me and it works towards completing the process of salvation and sanctification. Worship is the pathway to being RESTORED in the presence of Most High God!

This isn’t some magical Christian bandaid to put on a broken heart…but this is all I can do and I know it’s not much, but it is my offering and I believe the Lord blesses that. I hope this helps you see God working for your good and for His glory in your broken heart, it helps mine to share!

To Have and To Hold

So as I am seeing pictures of friends’ engagements, weddings and babies alllllllll over Facebook I am pondering what all it means to be married and how can anyone ever make that sort of commitment, if they know all that it means and truly intend to keep it. All of this from scrolling through my Facebook….don’t judge. Then again, be my guest, I hope you will judge and critique the words I type, so that we can grow in truth together.

So of course it wouldn’t be my Facebook News Feed if they’re weren’t tons of links to Christian blogs about 10 Truths of this… or 12 Absolute Non-Negotiables of whatever….. all somehow supposed to add up to what a Godly life is…which apparently seems to involve a lot of alone time because you’re waiting for the ONE. And unless you’re still 18 and have the whole world before you, you’re starting to wonder when that ONE is coming because he/she is late and “punctuality” was on your list of “Things in a Spouse” that you made in the ninth grade…and well….they’re late….because you’re approaching graduation and they are nowhere in sight.

Now I am not about to give you some sappy blog on “being a person worth marrying” because honestly, that’s only going to make you focus on the wrong things…..

As I have listened to sermons and read blogs concerning marriage (which seem to be in an over abundance these days), I am seeing the lies that we have been fed about marriage and love, thank you, John Hughes…. we expect to be like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed or Molly Ringwald in Sixteen Candles…where the perfect ideal guy for you finally realizes that you’re exactly what he has been looking for all along and eventually you get married and you’re just married all the time and it’s just so great…right….

Well I am not convinced… I’m just not….

I think marriage is more than that… a wedding is a day, but a marriage is a lifetime….do we have a Pinterest board for that?

I think marriage means being a servant….now before you go all weird on me with 50 Shades…. I mean serving in the sense of caring for others enough to think of their needs and trying to meet them as best you can, instead of being self-serving.

I think maybe in a marriage, or any relationship really, we should ask the other person (considering you really care for them) “how can I serve you best” “what do you need done, to say, to hear” “is there something I can help you with” – maybe we ask these types of questions before we ask “Honey, will you please…..” or “when are you ever going to…”

This doesn’t mean we neglect ourselves and never ask for help…but it means double checking…am I being selfish in this? Am I showing this person that I care?

I think if more couples asked themselves servant-minded questions and chose to love their significant other with a sacrificial love, and then actually follow through on it….there would be far fewer divorces and broken homes than the insurmountable number we have attained today.

Del Tackett describes love as “the sacrificial zeal that seeks the true good in another”. I think this is where marriage is built and where it comes from… really, this is where being human begins…this is how we recognize the beauty in each person and serve each person well….

So for me…. that’s where I am starting…serving well those I love the most….

It’s easy to see the Facebook posts, Instagrams and Pinterest boards filled with weddings and families (which are wonderful, don’t get me wrong) and wonder, “when do I get that?” “why do I have to be here…”  those questions are what make you not ready for marriage, being selfish is the one ingredient that can break a marriage before it ever begins…but being a servant leader will ensure so much more than just a marriage, but it is a firm foundation of love for every relationship.

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YOLO

YOLO. Four letters. Four letters that have come to define our generation. Four letters which are an acronym for four words which signify a mantra for a self-centered generation. You Only Live Once is proclaimed as an excuse to leave responsibility for someone else and act selfishly. Our generation desires love more than anything else, but denies the responsibility it takes to truly care for another person. Love is more than a fleeting feeling, rather than a hook up with whatever walks by. At the root of these loveless four letters is a loss of something beautiful called delayed gratification. We hear about instant gratification all the time; we see it in our iPhones, Siri, TiVo, voice controlled navigation, order in…you name it, you can get it however and whenever you want it. And while instant gratification may have a place on slight occasion, we have come to expect nothing but it. In turn this creates the broken relationships we so desire to be filled with love. Because we demand instant gratification, we are not pleased when a loved one cannot do something for us on our time, and rather we let them know just how put out we are that they are not meeting our immediate need. Cycles of these types of relationships and attitudes are what keep divorce courts alive and well. The very gadgets and things we thought were solutions to our problems are truly our deepest enemies in the fight. What we thought was the cure, is not the cure at all, in fact, it’s the disease that keeps us displeased.

So what is the solution you might ask. I propose something called delayed gratification. It is the antithesis of instant gratification in that it is not always completed or even effects seen immediately. In order for something to be accomplished through delayed gratification you must invest in what you desire, with no guarantee it will actually happen, in fact you may not see results for a while. But here is the catch- it is something worthwhile. Let’s say you choose the delayed gratification route in a relationship, let’s say a lover and you seek the person’s good in every way you can, affirming them in what they do well and giving helpful feedback out of pure love when they fail. Instead of demanding from them, you tell them you will truly be patient with them as they work things out and seek healing, and  here is the kicker, you follow through with exactly what you say you will do. You take responsibility for your words, actions, promises made and even take responsibility for what you have broken or ways you have failed in the past that have contributed to the certain circumstance. You decide that there is something worth fighting for (your loved one) and guess what you fight with all you have. You don’t take the way of a coward shouting “YOLO, hit me up when you figure this out”. Delayed gratification is a process, it is a process of reconciliation and requires an investment from you, it takes what you’ve got.

So now it is yours to decide, is this life good? Is this a wise decision for me to make? What effects will this have not only on me but others, and is it worth it? Delayed gratification offers a way for love to work in a way that only love can do. Instant gratification offers a temporary and often short-lived pleasure or half-hearted satisfaction.

So it’s yours to decide- YOLO?

Our deepest fea…

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.